Nostalgia Kills
by EmilyTheStranger
Summary: It's hard to go on when the only thing you ever loved is dead. It's hard to go on when you're drowning in sorrow. It's hard to go on when you remember your lost happiness. RyukxLight Comission for my sister. Character Death. Post ending of DN. Oneshot.


"_Promise me you'll never hurt me."_

That was all he had said.

We were in his room, together, yet so alone.

And I said yes.

Because I never thought I could hurt him.

I could sense that I would have to eventually.

I knew I had to be the one to kill him by writing his name.

But in that one moment, his death was impossible.

He was Light.

He was my life.

And my life couldn't die.

Light couldn't die.

That's what I thought.

But I know better now.

I sat, watching the human realm, with an ache in my heart. Sachiko and Sayu were making Light a birthday cake a year after his death. Light's death. Light was dead. It was so painfully real for me, and it hurt me further to see "Happy Birthday Light" spelled out in icing on a cheery cake. "I killed Light." I said, my voice hollow. "I deserve this pain." I forced myself to keep watching.

"I stopped making him cakes and started buying them when he entered school." Sachiko said conversationally. Sayu smiled and nodded as she spread frosting across the sides. They looked at each other, some mourning visible in their eyes, smiled reassuringly at one another, and continued to decorate.

I frowned, and sighed, finally looking away. I didn't need to watch them do this pointless human ritual. I could stay in my own thoughts.

"_Ryuk?"_ He had said.

I had turned to him, to see him sitting on his bed, worry in his eyes.

"_It's hard to pretend." _He said, sighing.

"_It's hard to pretend to be in love."_

My heart sank.

I told him he didn't have to pretend just so he could make me happy.

This made him laugh.

And his laughter hurt me.

"_I'm not pretending to love you." _He had said, laughter still ringing in his tone.

"_It's Misa who's getting lied to. And it's hard to keep it up." _

I sighed, relieved.

He beckoned me to come sit next to him.

And I did.

We sat there, content with each other's silent company.

Hours passed before he said anything.

"_I'm glad you're here, Ryuk."_

"Oh, just get over it already." Sidoh said, kicking some sand at my back. "What's done is done. Just drop your Death Note again. You'll probably forget all about him in a week." I ignored him. "Ryuk? C'mon, you haven't talked to anyone since you came back. Let it go." I continued to ignore his presence and focused every shred of my attention on Light's family, celebrating his birthday. Sidoh looked over my shoulder at the celebration.

"That's redundant." He said. "Light's dead. Humans are such idiots. It's not like people matter after they die." At this, I whipped around and grabbed Sidoh by his collar, pulling his face close to mine, malice in my voice.

"_Never_ say anything like that again. _NEVER._ Do I make myself clear, Sidoh?" He nodded vigorously and tried to pull away. I reluctantly let go of him and shoved him into the sand. He scrambled to his feet and shot off, disappearing behind a jagged rock. I turned back to my view of the world, and I brought forth my memories.

They had all been singing.

"_Happy Birthday dear Light, Happy Birthday to you." _

I had wanted to sing along, but Shinigami don't sing.

I hovered over Light's shoulder and watched him open his gifts.

Books.

All books.

My Light was such an intellectual.

I smiled, proud of him for his mind.

That night, in his room, I had given him a gift.

I didn't know what to get.

Shinigami don't celebrate birthdays.

So I gave him one of my rings.

It had a skull on it, and it was made of bone.

He liked it.

But he never wore it.

That hurt.

He said it would look suspicious to L.

I still wonder if he really liked it.

I sat, still watching the world, sand blowing across me and covering me. I hadn't moved for what felt like an eternity. Light's room was being converted to storage. I winced every time they tossed one of his possessions in a box. "Sayu, would you like Light's old laptop? It's probably still working well." Light's father said. Sayu smiled and nodded, unplugging it from the wall and taking it in her arms. They continued to rummage through his drawers and shelves.

"Hey, dad, what's this?" Sayu said, holding up something for everyone to see. It was small and white and looked like… a ring. My ring.

"Probably something Misa gave him. You can keep it if you want." Light's mother said nonchalantly.

"Eew, no. It has a skull on it. And it feels weird. I don't want this."

"Then throw it out."

And it flew across the room and landed with a clatter in the garbage can. I scowled. Light was never that rude. He never threw other's things away. Light was better. I miss Light.

"_What's that sound?" _I had asked.

"_Music." _Light said flatly. _"Moonlight Sonata. A Beethoven piece." _

I didn't understand.

"_A what?" _

"_A Beethoven piece. A sonata. A classic. You know, music." _

I didn't know.

"_You've never heard music?" _He had said disbelievingly.

"_No." _

"_Listen, then. It's relaxing."_

So we sat and listened to this Beethoven character.

We listened to him hit his piano thing and make sounds come out.

It was beautiful.

And I play that song in my head when I want to remember what happiness feels like.

And it always works.

"Ryuk, you can't go on much longer like this." A wizened voice behind me said.

"That's what I'm aiming for, sir." I replied, with an inordinate lack of respect for my king.

"Stop it." He commanded.

"No."

"I'm not giving you a choice in this matter."

"I don't care."

He growled menacingly and left, deciding himself too important to deal with the likes of me.

Sidoh appeared again, always when I least want to see him.

"He's right, you know. You haven't written in your Death Note in a long time. Time is running out for you." He said, trying to weave concern into his voice.

"Good." I said. Sidoh frowned.

"Don't be like that."

"Don't tell me what to do."

He groaned at me and I groaned back at him. "Go _away_, Sidoh." And he left me alone.

"_Ryuk…?"_ He mumbled.

I looked over at him, lying on his bed, half asleep.

"_Yes?_"

"_Stay here while I'm asleep." _

"_What, do you think I'm going to go and tell L all about your little secret?"_

"_No. I just want you to stay." _

I smiled.

I had never been happier.

"_Then I'll stay with you for as long as you want."_

"_Until I die?"_

"_Until you die."_

"_Good."_

And he drifted off to sleep.

I looked down at myself. I felt weird. I felt a tingling in my skin that I had never felt before. My arms felt like they were being rubbed. I looked over at them. They were turning to dust. I was dying. Dying. I stood for the first time in years and looked myself over. I was beginning to float away in the wind, swept up with the rest of the sand. I was turning to nothing more than another grain to get stuck in someone's eye. I was better off this way. I felt empty, and I realized almost my entire body was gone. My vision clouded as my eyes were swept away. My hearing disappeared as my ears were turned to dust. I dying, dying, dying, dea—"

Fin.


End file.
